Stream of Consciousness

As I was trying to fall asleep last night, it occurred to me that maybe sometimes the randomness of life is not really random at all. It is a function of the actions, reactions and interactions of you and everyone around you. And therefore we all have something to do with it. Sometimes the impact is small, and others it is large. This isn't a new philosophy at all. Once in a while I internalize these thoughts to the point where I go beyond my day-to-day interactions and take a 50,000 foot view of the web in which I surround myself. Most of the time though, these thoughts are a little too complex for my everyday mind and that is why today's title is 'stream of consciousness'. The funny thing is that I have trouble even articulating, in a concise manner, how it all works together. An example might help.

Random Occurrence: I'm walking down (rather up) 6th avenue with a good friend about 2 summers ago. Out of the corner of my eye I see someone staring at me headed in the opposite direction. I try not to look, because you don't look at people in NYC, but my curiosity wins over. It is my ex from 3 years prior who I haven't spoken to in over 2 years. We do a stop and chat for a couple of minutes.

Now here's where the stream of consciousness kicks in. I left NYC when we were dating, moved away, thought I'd never see him again. But if I didn't meet him at work, and work didn't help me get into grad school, I wouldn't have been in NYC that summer doing an internship. And the specific friend I was walking with I met because we lived in the same building at school. She happened to live in Chelsea and I wanted to live in her area. I found an apartment on craigslist also in Chelsea and the only reason we were walking up 6th avenue that sunny Friday afternoon is because we both had the day off and time to kill. I only had the day off because I chose the cushiest summer internship possible. The main reason I chose a cushy job was because I worked around the clock prior to grad school, at the same job I met my ex, and the most important thing at the time was to have a life - or, rather, time to kill on a Friday afternoon.

Now cut to last summer. I walk into a bar in the East Village with some friends. And who is sitting next to the door but my ex. We exchange some niceties but it is forced. I don't really want to see him and I know when he says he'll call, he doesn't mean it. If he's still in the same apartment, he lives in the neighborhood - it is probably his local haunt. Why was I there? Only because my friends chose the place. My friends who I met in grad school that I got into because of the job where I met my ex.

This stuff happens all of the time, to everyone. And I'm not the first one to think of this either. But I think the neat part is dissecting the interrelation between seemingly unrelated events, decisions or people. It's really not that random at all. And that's why my philosophy has never been about fate - fate is a stupid way to rationalize why life is the way it is. We always have a way to influence how our lives pan out - so as my sister says, 'go on and do something about it'!